stressed

It's been a long day. I'm cranky. I think I'm getting sick. And I have a ton of homework. I want to go grocery shopping. I enjoy that. I love cooking. I suppose if you love cooking, you like shopping for the food too? Maybe. Maybe not.

I realize I'm a fairly bossy person. I don't mean to be. But when it's related to group work and I'm the only one doing any of the work, I suppose I have a right to be bossy. I'm sick of watching my group members sit on their asses while I do all the work. What's more, no one should come crying back to me saying something was done wrong. Then maybe you should fucking do some of the work, asshole! Ugh.

Seriously. They like to rush me along. They're sitting on their butts. No reason they can't help me. It's not just my job. This is why I prefer to work alone. If I screw up, it's my fault and I can take the fall for it. If I work in a group, it should be everyone doing the work, not just one person.

I'm getting fish. Soon, hopefully. I have to buy some pieces for the aquarium yet. I've never had fish before. My roommate last year had a fish and I loved watching it. It was so relaxing. And when I was stressed out, it was a good way to get unstressed. I would rather have a mouse or a dog, or something, but I can't. I can only have fish and I won't risk sneaking another pet in here. I don't want my deposit to be taken away from me.

I have so much crap to do. I'm so tired of school. It's only the 5th week of classes and I'm sick of it already. I have a full course load. 18 credits. 12 of which are biology/geography classes (411, 310, 401) and a modern art class (412). Don't let the numbers fool you. 310 is a bitch of a class. Much harder than the 400 levels. *sigh* Is college right for me? Is it worth it for me to spend all this money and be in debt for the rest of my life? Will I go anywhere? Will I ever get a job after school?

I don't want to work at Holiday Inn for the rest of my life. And my dad dropped out of college and regrets it all the time: I don't want that either. But there are times when it just doesn't seem worth it. I'm not that smart. People can say otherwise, but I'm really not. These tests and all this book reading...I don't remember a damn thing. The things I remember are the things I do. Internships are wonderful. I learned stuff. I understand that. I can do that. But if I don't have the grades, I won't get a job. And I try. I really try.

I'm cranky. Don't mind me.