neurotic

I just took a neurotic test: Are You Neurotic?

I scored a 55: You are slightly neurotic, and fairly enlightened as well.

If I would have taken this test earlier last year, I would have probably been off the charts. Meds do amazing things.

From OK CUPID:

While the medical profession may not use the term "neurotic" anymore, that does not mean that the neurotics of the world have disappeared. No, we are still around, quietly biting our nails, obsessively rearranging our bookcases, and always, always wondering what you think of us. We are high-functioning, mildly OCD, and think the suggestion to "relax" is as laughable as the command "sprout wings and fly."

Although neurotics come in all shapes and sizes (very few that we like), there are a few overarching characteristics which this test will attempt to measure:

General anxiety - This covers pessimism, self-doubt, dread, and other nervousness. A veritable barrel of fun.

Social ineptitude - This covers awkwardness, overanalysis of situations and people, and conversational tools like sarcasm or self-effacement.

Obsessive-compulsive behavior - This covers counting, stacking, obsessing, nail-biting, and all your other favorite habits.

Test results: You scored 45 anxiety, 76 awkwardness, and 63 neuroticism!

You stick out like a sore thumb, with your social awkwardness and mildly neurotic behaviors--but you don't let it get you down! You are The Geek, and are here to prove that people who know the first 1000 digits of pi and try to woo dates by talking about calculators can be happy too! You have friends...and they are probably just as odd as you.

Your low anxiety score implies that you are able to relax, can enjoy the here and now, and have a healthy amount of self-confidence.

Your high awkwardness score implies that you are socially inept, probably stick out from the crowd, and perhaps feel uncomfortable in large groups of people, such as at parties.

Your high neuroticism score implies that you exhibit neurotic behaviors--probably fanatic obsessions, counting compulsions, or other geekish tendencies. You may know every word to LOTR, or draw anime of all your friends.

-->I have to say that I'm highly obsessive about organization. If something isn't organized, I go absolutely bonkers. It's kind of scary and the people I work with kind of look at me like I'm a lunatic sometimes. If it isn't organized, I feel totally stressed out and very anxious.

Also, I used to be obsessed with clean hands: I would wash them over and over and over until they were the exactly cleanliness. After touching most things, I would wash my hands. Thankfully I have grown out of that phase. My hands thank me for it. However, I will never go to a manicurist because my fingers look like shit from biting my nails all the time.

I used to be really bad. I suppose my title: mind of a neurotic mess is a little inaccurate. I used to be highly neurotic. Not so much anymore. However, as soon as I get off my meds, I'll probably go back to that part of my life. My meds are lifesavers. I'm not so ashamed of it anymore. I suffer from chronic dysthymia, and the people I'm close to know it, whereas a few years ago I wouldn't have told anyone about it. When you can tell someone the darkest secret because you can't sit and be afraid of how they will judge you anymore, and they accept you, it's a world of relief. At least I have some people close to me that accept me for who I am.