frustration

I'm frustrated. I'm moving soon, but I still don't know when. I have no one to really help me move. This would be a good time to have some decent friends. But, I don't let people into my life very easily. I've been hurt too many times before so I really don't think it's worth it.

I'm also frustrated with work. I don't know what it is but people seriously don't like to help me. I don't understand why. I'm friendly. At least I think so. I'm never mean to anyone. I'm helpful. I make sure I help everyone else out. But when I need help, they take off claiming I don' t need help. *sigh* I hate my job.

And, finally, I'm frustrated and confused with this year. This is my final year in college. Finally. But everyone keeps asking me what I want to do after I graduate. And I have no idea. My family keeps saying I need to figure it out soon. It isn't an easy decision! I don't know what I want to do. I don't know where I want to go and what I want to be. All I know is I'm passionate about the environment. Where to go from there? No idea.

Why do things have to be so complicated?

update

Well, I suppose I should update this thing since I haven't in months. I'm still alive. I haven't been in a big blogging mood as of late. There isn't too much to talk about. I'm still in debt. I'm still in college. I'm still a housekeeper. I did get a new phone. I bought new cages for my hamsters and rats. But, other than that, life is still boring.

I will be moving out of this place in August and moving to a single room apartment. I would like to live along for some time. Having a roommate is just...annoying. I love my roomy, but I need my own space.

I've recently gotten very addicted to webcomics. I would post the ones I read here...but I read at least 30 of them. The artists are amazing, as well as their storylines. I would love to learn how to draw like them. I plan to start drawing again. I love drawing, I just give up so quickly because I get so frustrated with my lack of talent. But, the only way to change that is to work at it. So that will be something I plan to be working on.

Anyway, that's my update. Oh, I still don't eat red meat! I do eat chicken, turkey, and fish. I decided I couldn't totally go on a meatless diet.

a choice

Well, I've made a choice and I'm hoping I can stick to it. I've decided to become a vegetarian. It's disgusting, to me, to think of what those animals go through. Overcrowding, their beaks and teeth sniped without any painkillers, having to eat feces and ground up meat from other animals, with blood mixed in...plus all the hormones they're injected with. It's unhealthy for them, and for us.

Also, someone mentioned that no animals drink milk after they are done weaning. And they certainly don't drink milk from other animals. Apparently, dairy products are even worse for you than red meat! I'm disgusted. I just don't think I can look at meat and not see a face there.

Not only am I doing it for an environmental, save-the-animals standpoint, I'm doing it for health reasons. People on vegan diets are healthier than people who eat meat. Meat has high fat, high protein, and high cholesterol...all of which is bad. I can get protein by eating veggies and nuts. I can drink Silk instead of reagular milk. I can eat veggie burgers (which I actually like).

It's going to be hard, since I was raised on meat. And I'm sure my dad is going to smirk at me and think I'm being stupid. But it's my choice, and it's a healthier choice. And, most of my friends are vegetarians/vegans. Plus, I already LOVE organic food and I buy it as often as I can. I can make it work, but I need help. I have a t-bone in my freezer at this very moment that I'm going to be giving away, as well as beef, chicken, and pork.

If I want to do it, I'm going to do it cold-turkey! I've been thinking about it for a while now anyway. I've eaten less and less meat as the year has progressed because I just don't have the money. I don't think I'm going to become vegan. I'm going to try to replace as many animal products as I can, but sometimes it's just going to be too hard, I think. But I'm definitely making a lifestyle choice. :)

new home

Well, I'm tired of efx2. So, I've moved here, once again. Efx2 just isn't the same as it used to be. Keith is completely absent. Kelly disabled her blog and is only doing admin-related stuff....it's just not home since the original went down.

So, if I post anything, it will be here.

As for anything that's going on, we got dumped on by a winter storm Monday night through Tuesday afternoon. Most everything was melted, and now the snow is back. However, it's above freezing so the snow will melt pretty quickly.

I applied for a job back home, since I haven't seen my family since Christmas. The job was funded by a grant to study whether or not residual herbice was working on the invasive Eurasion water milfoil. I would be collecting water samples and, later, soil samples. It was a 12week job, for $11 an hour. However, I didn't even get an interview. They felt it was unfair to the other applicants that I got a phone interview rather than a face-to-face interview. I understand their position. But I was looking forward to that job. So, this summer I will continue working at Holiday Inn. I didn't apply for any internships this summer. I'm in need of money and I can do internships after I graduate.

Speaking of graduation, I had hoped to graduate in December '08. It seems as if I will be graduating in May '09 now. I swear, universities love to keep their students longer than needed for that extra cash...all for 1 class.

posting

I should post here as I post at efx2, but I can't. One blog is enough. So, if you're interested:

http://mandaj.efx2blogs.com

stressed

It's been a long day. I'm cranky. I think I'm getting sick. And I have a ton of homework. I want to go grocery shopping. I enjoy that. I love cooking. I suppose if you love cooking, you like shopping for the food too? Maybe. Maybe not.

I realize I'm a fairly bossy person. I don't mean to be. But when it's related to group work and I'm the only one doing any of the work, I suppose I have a right to be bossy. I'm sick of watching my group members sit on their asses while I do all the work. What's more, no one should come crying back to me saying something was done wrong. Then maybe you should fucking do some of the work, asshole! Ugh.

Seriously. They like to rush me along. They're sitting on their butts. No reason they can't help me. It's not just my job. This is why I prefer to work alone. If I screw up, it's my fault and I can take the fall for it. If I work in a group, it should be everyone doing the work, not just one person.

I'm getting fish. Soon, hopefully. I have to buy some pieces for the aquarium yet. I've never had fish before. My roommate last year had a fish and I loved watching it. It was so relaxing. And when I was stressed out, it was a good way to get unstressed. I would rather have a mouse or a dog, or something, but I can't. I can only have fish and I won't risk sneaking another pet in here. I don't want my deposit to be taken away from me.

I have so much crap to do. I'm so tired of school. It's only the 5th week of classes and I'm sick of it already. I have a full course load. 18 credits. 12 of which are biology/geography classes (411, 310, 401) and a modern art class (412). Don't let the numbers fool you. 310 is a bitch of a class. Much harder than the 400 levels. *sigh* Is college right for me? Is it worth it for me to spend all this money and be in debt for the rest of my life? Will I go anywhere? Will I ever get a job after school?

I don't want to work at Holiday Inn for the rest of my life. And my dad dropped out of college and regrets it all the time: I don't want that either. But there are times when it just doesn't seem worth it. I'm not that smart. People can say otherwise, but I'm really not. These tests and all this book reading...I don't remember a damn thing. The things I remember are the things I do. Internships are wonderful. I learned stuff. I understand that. I can do that. But if I don't have the grades, I won't get a job. And I try. I really try.

I'm cranky. Don't mind me.

efx2

It seems a lot of people are having trouble with efx2 and verification emails. Glad I'm not the only one. I've already decided to move on. I'm not re-creating another friggin blog...I just want to register so I can read 'registered only' blogs, as I have some friends who are 'registered only' and will likely select that option once Keith gets things worked out.

I don't like blogger in that there's not many customization options, but it gets old having to re-create blogs all the time. As long as I can read the ones I normally read, I'm good to go.

Anyway, I've mentioned this verification code thing to Keith several times. It sucks being ignored, especially when you were once a community leader (and made so by Keith himself randomly one day: he must have thought I was an asset), and it sucks to be ignored. I don't ask for much: just to accept me! It's like...just a click of the button? I'm not clogging his inbox or comment box with emails on "How do I do this?" and "How do I do that?" and whatnot.

Gah...well, that's enough for me I guess. I've been evicted from "home," so blogger is my new, less schnazzy, cheaper home I suppose. Hah.